12.09.2004

Here again.

I came here as I wanted a place to write, where friends couldn't come and disparage or disagree. I don't mind disagreement but sometimes one just wants to ramble about how they feel about politics and life without anyone necessarily putting in their two cents. This will be a more mundane if more esoteric place for me than my other journals. The last year of my life has been a rather stinky one and not in a good stinky way but in a bad. I won't pontificate just take my word for, for whatever reason I went into hibernation mode, well sort of hibernation mode. When I returned to school this fall I felt at times I could hardly continue, all the joy that I had felt throughout my life for some reason was not there any longer and I had thoughts about simply leaving NY and taking off for places far away and thinking things out for a year. I didn't tell anyone of course as this would not have been a popular option with contemporaries or with the elders. (I like that word it brings Little Women to mind). I dropped a class, spent a lot of time out at night then had to spent extra time in libraries making it up. Talk about the real life dazed and confused. No doubt this last year sucked my parents separating after 22 years, my grandmother, my saving grace dying, not to mention anything that came before that. I mean give me a break. I got my second wind and talked some sense into myself and one day ended up in the park playing with some dog which turned out to belong to a professor from Columbia University,. a rather cute but sort of irritable professor at least at first. LOL The story sort of starts and ends here, at least for now. I started this two weeks ago and as you can see it took me two weeks to even bother posting it. I have been living without a cell phone now for two months or so, my brother does not approve of me dating someone that is older than I am and as I was spending a lot of time away from the school in the presence of someone my brother felt was undesirable he decided that a call to my parents would be a good thing. My dad asked me to stop seeing this person and I declined and they threatened to shut off my cell phone so I basically sent it to them and told them I didn’t need it anyway. That was pretty stupid in retrospect as I do need a cell phone and I have no funds to purchase one at this time. My grandmother left me some real estate and some money , none of which I have access to without my parents permission until I am twenty one…and as I will only turn twenty this coming may it is a long time coming. My parents are both coming into town this afternoon and I am expected to meet them for lunch after my one class, I think they are giving up on me and bringing my phone back and I certainly hope they are putting some money in my bank account. Wish me luck. Oh and I will at times dicuss politics here and the state of the world and so there. I wish those guys in Canada Luck.

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