Abstinence - Nah.

I started this blog awhile ago just to have a place to write random things that no one wanted to read. I actually started one prior to this but never used it, except for the original entry, due to time constraints and things that kept me otherwise occupied. Funny thing is that over time I decided I needed people to read it, not people I know but just people in general, so I signed up for technorati and blog explosion. Weirdly enough people did read it and sometimes even commented. Some people, don�t comment, they send emails and some of the emails are not all that nice and are anonymous. So I am cleaning out my email box and deleting all this stuff I decided to use them as a basis for a post; I am supposed to be doing some kind of comparative on family and kinship as related to two major religions but as I have most of it done I am taking a break. I recant I am only using one email as the response is long winded. This sort of goes to show that one can actually infer many things from reading people�s journals that are not necessarily true. I have wondered lately if one could in anyway actually get a feel for who someone really was by reading their journal so this email is the one I am going to post. Email from anonymous: I would be proud to have you as a daughter. I think your views on sex are right and hope that my daughter�s will abstain from such activity until they find the man they would marry. My daughters are eight and ten. I want to know exactly how you were brought up I find that I want to get clues as to what to do to convey such things to my girls. You use a word now and then that I don�t like but otherwise I find some insight here. This goes to show that inferences are not always accurate. I hate writing this as I do so love to be liked and maybe this woman, I assume it was a woman even though it was anonymous and could I suppose be a man , won't think so highly of me after this. I don�t know where I ever inferred or stated that I believed in abstinence, I don�t. I believe in self preservation. I also don�t think it matters one way or the other how you bring kids up except to allow them to do things on their own that will give them a healthy dose of self esteem , teach them to respect others and to respect themselves and in the end hopefully it will all work out; if they end up remaining abstinent until marriage due to something they feel strongly about then so be it. I will tell you however that although I have probably made it clear I am not real big on sex for the sake of sex I am not an advocate of abstinence. Teach kids to respect themselves, think for themselves and more then likely they will not be taken advantage of and will not do something they regret. The people I know who were most heavily indoctrinated with abstinence as the only way were also the most promiscuous people I knew. They were needy in other ways. I am not saying that all people that were taught abstinence were promiscuous or that one should not as a parent have that right but sometimes parents have blinders on, they think that taking their children out of health classes in middle school because they don�t want them listening to talk about vaginas and penis�s in a mixed gender classroom will in some way save them and preserve their innocence. They think that preaching abstinence and telling kids that no self respecting girl (or boy) for that matter, would have sex outside of marriage, or at least outside of a relationship that was seen as permanent, will keep them safe and free from such sins; the problem here is the sin train of thought, and or the fear train of thought. Too much fear prevents one from obtaining necessary knowledge, and too much sin rhetoric puts your kids onto thinking they are sinning if they are having sex, leading them always to have some lingering feeling that sex is bad, and this will carry over into their later life. How are you really going to enjoy something that someone has portrayed to you as either being kind of dirty or extremely sacrosanct? It�s neither really as I think that even in the most religiously based unions ,once in awhile, people fuck without all the �omg this is such a totally uniting like with god experience�. I think it is better to be practical and to put it all out on the table with kids. I think that going out into the world armed with knowledge is the best thing. I think you can let your kid know you want them to remain abstinent is your prerogative but really believing they actually will remain so is putting blinders on. Your best bet as above is arming them with knowledge, and filling them with some degree of self importance as well as teaching them respect for self and to respect others. Just remember that it is most likely your child will not remain abstinent, it is then good idea to arm them with enough self esteem and knowledge to not get carried away on some spur of the moment passion filled night and be able to think clearly, and for sheer self preservation, consider not ever having sex with someone that has not been recently tested for sexually transmitted diseases. I am not kidding. I am not big on abstinence except for the reason of self preservation. My parents did not teach abstinence to me, my brother did but not my parents. ( damn yuppie wanna be but missed it by a few years hippies) I am very big on self preservation, and knowledge, and as we all know knowledge is power. Although in many cases self preservation may invoke abstinence, at least for extended periods of time, it is not the same thing. The redundancy in this post is intentional. If I lived in a less, shall we say, virus prone time, I would probably be a lot less likely to care about any of it and would probably be out doing some lanky blonde film student who had nothing more going for him then being aesthetically pleasing, staying power and magic fingers.


Blogger Jack Burden said...

I grew up in the South, and I can tell you how heinously it backfires on parents/society when they deny kids sex ed.

In many places in the South, the religious right dominates the local school boards/politics so completely that schools aren't even allowed to teach sex ed. And yet somehow, Southern states lead the nation's teen pregnancy lists (or at least they did when I was growing up).

The WORST thing you can do to an adolescent is deny them knowledge about sex or drugs, which are things they're going to have to deal with. It's like refusing to teach airline pilots how to make an emergency landing, because, the logic goes, if they don't know how to make an emergency landing, then they'll never have to make one, and everyone will be safe.

4/30/2005 09:42:00 PM  
Blogger breasier said...

You can't decide what a person is like by what they write on their blog, sugar. It just isn't the whole picture of what that person is like. It's akin to trying to assign a personality to a singer by listening to a song she has written.

I am not what I write; what I write is a part of me. But, just as they say, "The picture you see is no portrait of me, It's too real to be shown to someone I don't know."

5/01/2005 10:07:00 AM  
Anonymous AHS MilBlogger said...

Never thought I would be reading and commenting on an entry about abstinence, but anyway...

I can relate to the poor inferences that readers make. I also get some weird emails. People think that because I am in the Army, that I kill innocent people, that I poison baby formula with depleted uranium, that I am a Republican, that I shave my head and long to join a militia. Weirdos! I have shot people, I have voted for a few Republicans, I have shaved my head a couple of times, and I was once in a militia (the National Guard). But, I'm not sure where the assumption about poisoning babies with depleted uranium comes from. And I have receieved more than one email on that topic.

On an unrelated note, in regard to your research assignment, take a look at this essay from Parameters called "Thicker Than Water? Kin, Religion, and Conflict in the Balkans". It obviously focuses on the Balkans, but it can be applied to any culture.

5/01/2005 08:06:00 PM  
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