May the Real Life Begin or Down With Fake Lives.

I was talking to someone the other day on aim and I was busy so I told them I would get back to them when I was back living my real life. It occurred to me shortly thereafter that that was a pretty ridiculous thing to say as if my real life wasn�t what I was living at that exact time what life was it; my fake life? I then started to wonder why I said that and if there was some deeper psychological implication in that statement. I began to wonder if I lived in some kind of alternate world, a world which I feel will disappear someday and my real world will materialize. I promise I have not been indulging in illegal substances despite the fact that Puerto Rico is hardly Bali. We�ll get back to this This would be a much deeper post but I spent way too much time posting an entry to a personal journal I keep a journal that basically only friends read, (everyone needs one of those), so I am tired and without a coherent train of thought. Now for my commentary on recent news. First I do have to comment on the twenty year conviction of the twenty - seven year old Australian women for supposedly transporting 4.1 kilos of marijuana into Indonesia. I believe, as do most people ,that it was one of those things in which the stuff was put there by someone else. I have no way of knowing this of course but look at it this way, what human being with an IQ anywhere close to normal world transport , in a board bag, illegal drugs into a country known for some of the stiffest drug laws in the world. On another note this should be required viewing for all: Midnight Express 1978, good movie despite it being quite old, or if desperate Brokedown Palace, not the greatest movie but you�ll get the point. Also in the news: Mother hires stripper for 16 year old son�s birthday party and the people who developed the pictures called the cops: Not being a parent I can see that this is a sticky issue and the reports are not that inclusive so I don�t really know if the other parents knew about the strippers. I can guarantee no one I knew at that age would have been allowed to attend such an event and I think it is rather sick myself for a mother to do that,( kids should really do that kind of thing subversively), but to actually indict her? Article. I think of all the non indicted the priests again and nope just can�t see it. Speaking of priests this is just great thanks to Fark I read this and this is surely all we need right a bunch of drunken pedophiles. I have no comment on the French thing because quite frankly that is their business. Now back to this real life fake life thing. It has occurred to me that sometimes I live my life as if it is on hold. I do things that I have to do on a daily basis and I do things that I want to do as often as I can but it seems that maybe I am still waiting for my real life to begin. I put my life on hold so many ways over the last couple of years that, on this the eve of my twentieth birthday, I have decided that it is time to change all that. I henceforth have decided to make some resolutions. These are similar to New Years type resolutions except that I intend to keep them. First decision is to stop thinking and start relating to people in on a more personal level without so much forethought as to why I should bother. I will stop considering constantly the future consequences of my actions; this sounds bad but in general I think way too much about the possible consequences of my every action and this often paralyses me. I am going to try to actually go back to school next year with a totally different attitude and try to enjoy myself and not be so obsessive about school at least not so obsessive that I don�t at least see what is going on around me. I am a photographer for goodness sake I need to be more observant of the total picture. I tend to focus way too much on the minuscule. The minuscule is really only important after all when you consider a much larger picture. I am going to enjoy this summer doing what I want and making friends with people that in general I have no interest in being friends with. In the end it might be fun and they might even be really nice people with a story to tell. Everyone has a story to tell yes? I love stories anyway so am going to give it a go. I hope to post later with stories of Puerto Rico or not. I had fun and will head back sometime within the next month possibly. I am currently at the airport waiting for my plane which btw was an hour late but it looks like I am going to be able to leave after all.