For My Monster From His Slab Began to Rise, and Suddenly to My Surprise

It will be a come play with us, we see dead people, dirty pillows kind of night; so terrifying to think that evil could be standing right next to you or even be you. You pray you are not evil or that if you are others won�t be able to tell. The Village Parade preparations begin.

There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin.
Linus The Great Pumpkin is only my second favorite Peanuts movie; it is either a great pumpkin tale in which one can make fun of people who believe in things that are not so, or it is one of the greatest acts of sophistry of all time; not that it takes much with five year olds. I do not believe in the Great Pumpkin; I have heard rumors being spread that would indicate otherwise, and I want to set the record straight. I will neither confirm nor deny that I , one Halloween eve when much younger, claimed to have witnessed the coming of the Great Pumpkin. We all did things when very young that we don�t lay claim to, and as perfect as I am I am no exception; that is as it should be as perfection is boring and life without fantasy is just life. I do apologize to all my friends for misleading them in that regard but please... to claim that you have been damaged for life due to this fact is pure histrionic exaggeration. ( that may or may not make sense but go with me here) I blame the likes of Dr Phil and Fox News for this type of thinking, but face it most of you were crazy long before I met you. The pressure, (in those days), to believe in the Great Pumpkin was often more than I could stand, so throwing out a simple yea �he came to me too� was not really much of a stretch and didn't even seem like a lie really. I didn�t even start it; it was that really pale vampire toothed kid with the dark purplish eyes who started it. I couldn�t help going a little further as I tend to lean toward descriptive speech and wanted everyone to know that if I saw the Great Pumpkin it was surely large, not quite round with long brown eyelashes, wearing a pair of brown Doc Martens and of the most vivid orange one could ever imagine. I knew I would get you with the fact that he passed out Nintendo games to his favorite kids. You would believe anything if it involved those stupid video games. Is it my fault you all bought every aspect of the deception except the gender? I don�t think so. I still don�t understand how you could believe there was a big magic pumpkin that came every Halloween but wouldn�t believe the pumpkin was a pumpkiness. My mission is solely to inform you that , despite some suggestion to the contrary, there is no Great Pumpkin or Great Pumpkin designer in the sky. The Great Pumpkin debate is finished as it is not a legitimate assertion and not worthy of further discussion. Face it if there were really a Great Pumpkin no one would have to say, as did poor Charlie Brown, I got a rock besides that because of the mess we have made of the pumpkin patch - To quote Linus again - You'll be sorry if he comes!


Blogger Doug said...

You're a wry lass. Not far off. Although I disagree about the existence of the Great Pumpkin.

10/30/2005 07:01:00 PM  
Blogger The ZenFo Pro said...

No need to fret, chica. The Great Pumpkin Debate has been raging for years. While I'm sure someone will accuse you of blasphemy, I too am a athiest when it comes to mystical gourd...

What the hell ever made Charles Schulz come up with a frigging pumpkin as a theme?

10/30/2005 07:04:00 PM  
Blogger avereragebusinessman said...

Charles Schultz was slightly crazy but brilliant.

This piece was excellent the last paragraph makes a good point.
Glad you made it back from the Catskills with no harm done.

10/30/2005 10:20:00 PM  
Anonymous robotman said...

Do not, under any circumstance, let the Village People touch your dirty pillows.

Face it if there were really a Great Pumpkin no one would have to say, as did poor Charlie Brown, "I got a rock" besides that because of the mess we have made of the pumpkin patch - To quote Linus again - You'll be sorry if he comes!

My feelings exactly.

10/31/2005 12:14:00 AM  
Blogger Dave said...

I didn't believe in the Great Pumpkin, but I wanted too. I think that may be worse.

from Maximum Awesome

10/31/2005 12:43:00 AM  
Blogger mojo shivers said...

I not only believe in the Great Pumpkin, but I believe that Peanuts will someday be as highly regarded as the bible.

I certainly take more comfort in the shenanigans of those simple kids in the former than any story presented in the latter.

Craig Christ is also a new hero of mine.

10/31/2005 01:13:00 AM  
Anonymous weirsdo said...

I don't think the Great Pumpkin gives out Nintendo. I believe she is greater than that.

10/31/2005 01:24:00 AM  
Blogger protagoras said...

First of all, what the hell are you using a word like sophistry in a blog about the Great Pumpkin. Second of all, what the hell is a lazy girl putting the time and effort into a blog.
Third of all, if the Great Pumpkin looses one of his teeth, does the the tooth fairy have both triangular and square replacements.

See the genius you pull out of the blogoverse when you use words like sophistry. That'll teach you them thar youngin city slicker.

I am 8 years old, and I like chocolate chip cookie icecream with mega-fat globules cause I want to have artheriosclerosis by the time I'm 15. I don't know what it is, but my dad has it, and I want be precocious just like Mozart.



10/31/2005 03:27:00 AM  
Blogger EsotericWombat said...

They say that there's a fine line between genius and insanity.

You've gone back full circle into idiocy.


10/31/2005 04:06:00 AM  
Blogger I.M. Dedd said...

Now I have to re-think EVERYTHING.


10/31/2005 06:25:00 AM  
Blogger Leigh said...

Such sage words from Linus...words that I live by. However, I never seen the Great Pumpkin, myself. Perhaps he only shows himself to those who believe.

10/31/2005 10:31:00 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

I still believe though.

I got to have something to hold on to.

10/31/2005 10:52:00 AM  
Blogger Coyote Mike said...

I refuse to rethink anything. As a member of the Great Pumpkin Church of Tomorrow and Cheese Sandwiches, I must say that your heretical blog will bring a plague of minature superheros and villans to your door demanding sweets. Also, pumpkin seeds will fall as hail and get gunk in your hair, you evil-doer.

:D Cartoons are fun

10/31/2005 11:04:00 AM  
Blogger Alice: In Wonderland or Not said...

Doug: Cynical you !! Surely you aren't telling me you believe in the great orange one?

Zenpro: mystical gourd- damn I wished I had said that.

Bizman: no harm done.

Robotman: of course no on touches my dirty pillows.

Dave: naw we all want to believe in something. I figure you for a great pumpkin kind of guy.

MoJo: some how I just knew you would believe in the GP. Criag Christ- lol

Weirdso: yes now it's x � box. Captists would understand.

protagoras: Ruk is that you ?
I can use the word sophistry in whatever way I choose to make clear the significance of the deception that has been perpetrated on the children.

Wombat: You know it.

Dedd: I'm sorry; a little rethinking hurts no one. I hope I didn't wreck the movie for you.

Leigh: sightings are rare I've only heard of two. Linus is a genius.

MJ: Believe what you must if it helps you survive.

Coyote: I'm a meanie. I only give out poisoned apples, as for the pumpkin seeds falling as hail - I think that has happened once before.

10/31/2005 11:20:00 AM  
Blogger protagoras said...


No! Im am not Ruk. You and I don't know eachother, I just blew in with the not-so-divine blogosphere wind. The one where north meets south, east meets west, and best meets best. I like your humor.

10/31/2005 12:30:00 PM  
Anonymous joe g said...

Intelligent Design, Great Pumpkin Design who knew?

Guard the dirty pillows with your life.

as always joe

10/31/2005 07:31:00 PM  
Blogger EsotericWombat said...

I wasn't talking about you, Alice. Sorry if it seemed that way.

10/31/2005 07:57:00 PM  
Blogger Girl on the Blog said...

Linus: "You've heard about fury in a woman scorned, haven't you?"

Charlie Brown: "Yes, I guess I have."

Linus: "Well, that's nothing compared to the fury of a woman who
has been cheated out of tricks or treats."
My favorite quotes from the cartoon... Thanks for reminding me of the movie...

10/31/2005 09:50:00 PM  
Anonymous Jake said...

First the Redskins get annihilated and now the Great Pumpkin does not exist...yea thanks bring it on. I'm so furious I can't even think of a comment about dirty pillows.

10/31/2005 10:11:00 PM  
Blogger Alice: In Wonderland or Not said...

protagoras: I think it's a divine blogesphere. Nice of you to drop in.

joe: don't worry i am the royal guard of dirty pillows.

Wombat: you're too polite tall one.

girl: you're welcome.

jake: awww sorry about them beastly, steroid driven, politically incorrect named beasts losing.

yawn....tired.... ;)

11/01/2005 12:02:00 AM  
Blogger mojo shivers said...

You too can learn about Craig Christ...

Craig - Stephen Lynch

11/01/2005 02:19:00 AM  
Blogger Jay said...

I refuse to question my unwavering faith in the Great Pumpkin. It is the basis of my moral values and my entire world view.

Besides...I'm pushing for a religious day off.

11/01/2005 06:32:00 AM  
Blogger transience said...

sadly, the island (the real one on the equator) where i reside grows no pumpkins. only squash, which is a sad, sad proxy for a pumpkin--and not even a great one.

11/01/2005 08:58:00 AM  
Anonymous pia said...

wait. You're not perfect?

Really had me fooled there. If I can't believe that then I can't believe in the great pumpkin then..seee the road you led me down?

11/01/2005 11:11:00 AM  
Blogger Alice: In Wonderland or Not said...

mojo: I will catch up when I can.

jay: another day off? Wasn't that one in 2002 good enough for you?

pia: I was perfect once. In my mind anyway.

11/01/2005 01:17:00 PM  
Blogger Rex Venom said...

Freaky Gump said, "Spooky is as spooky does..."
Rock on!

11/01/2005 07:39:00 PM  
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