Temporary Emergence.

My time is no longer mine, but I want to note that my fear of uneveness has abated; this can be demonstrated by the fact that I have put some buttons on the side to replace links to other blogs. I think this is progress as in the past the scraggly nature and fear of a disproportionate sidebar kept me in text only mode; the thought of uneven buttons and icons causing endless hours of disquiet. I feel now that I can deal with the lack of total symmetry and disappearance of the total blackness; a blackness I have predilection to but can learn to live without through the healing power of hypnosis, but that is for another time; less troubled times perhaps. Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain

Weekly Coalition for Darfur Post follows. I know with all the indictments and downright humiliating posturing of the former head of FEMA this will be hard to take but try. Anarchy and the UN keep going. As Darfur descends into anarchy, the United Nations appears unable to do any more than express concerns and continue to ask the parties involved to cease their violent attacks. After rebels attacked and took control of the town of Sheiria last week, the Sudanese army said it was prepared to retake the town, to which the rebels replied that they would "repulse anything from the Sudanese government's army." The upsurge in violence forced thousands more out of the villages, swelling the ranks of the internally displaced that already numbers nearly 2 million. As the violence was raging, even the UN's own Special Representative Jan Pronk, a man who tends to see everything in Sudan through rose-colored glasses, was forced to admit that the violence was spiraling out of control. He was joined by the US government, which stated that the "uptick in violence ... is of concern to us" and the UN's genocide advisor, Juan Mendez, who acknowledged that Khartoum had done little to disarm militias or end the "culture of impunity" that exists in Darfur. Pronk went on to state that the UN must give the Sudanese government and rebels an ultimatum to compel them to reach some sort of peace agreement and even made the startling admission that, thus far, the UN has utterly failed to deal with Darfur

Pronk said that when the Darfur conflict began U.N. humanitarian officials agitated for the Security Council to take up the conflict, which it refused to do. A "massive force" was needed [in 2003] then to guarantee security but instead several thousand African Union troops and monitors had to carry the burden. And now the council needed to plan for how to keep the peace in case a peace deal was signed.

Pronk was quoted elsewhere as saying

He said the war situation in Sudan was "everybody's failure" and could have been avoided if the international community had acted quickly. How could the present day situation have been avoided? "I think there should have been intervention in 2003," Pronk said, adding that while the occurrence of genocide in the country was debatable, "There was mass slaughter of people. It needed humanitarian intervention."

Of course, the international community did not act quickly, nor are they acting quickly now. In fact, while Darfur burned, the BBC reported that American and British intelligence officials, along with representatives of the UN, China and 12 African nations were in Khartoum discussing cooperation on counter-terrorism operations in the region.

Hosting the conference is part of a sustained diplomatic push by Sudan to shake off its pariah status ... When the opportunity for this second regional conference on counter-terrorism came up, Sudan competed for the right to host it ... The decision of the CIA to agree to come to Sudan shows the pragmatism of the intelligence community against the continuing political desire of America to punish Sudan for what has happened in Darfur.

Khartoum continues to work to "shake off its pariah status," with Sudanese Ambassador Khidir Haroun Ahmed publishing an op-ed in the Washington Times today claiming that "After two decades of brutal civil war, Sudan is emerging as a reminder that engagement, dialogue and intensive diplomacy can resolve seemingly intractable problems and permit a country to look to the future with optimism." Meanwhile, the violence and anarchy Khartoum unleashed is now spilling over into neighboring Chad, a country that is already host to an estimated 200,000 refugees from Darfur

A group of unidentified armed men in military uniform crossed into Chad from Sudan early on Monday, killing 36 herders and stealing livestock, the Chadian government said.

The violence, in addition to threatening the people of Darfur, is also threatening the relief work that sustains them, as U.N. Emergency Relief Coordinator Jan Egeland noted yesterday

"If it (the violence) continues to escalate, we may not be able to sustain our operations for 2.5 million people requiring life-saving assistance," he said, adding: "In Darfur, it (aid distribution) could all end tomorrow. It is as serious as that."

As Eric Reeves never fails to remind us, in December 2004, Egeland warned that 100,000 people could die a month if humanitarian organizations are forced to suspend operations in Darfur. Despite all of this, Pronk still managed to recently declare that progress was being made on implementing the Comprehensive Peace Agreement between the North and South and on efforts to reach peace in Darfur. Such a statement is utterly feckless and shameful. As Gerald Caplan, author of "Rwanda: The Preventable Genocide," wrote last week

But what we are learning from Darfur, which we never remotely imagined, is that even naming a genocide is an utterly inconsequential exercise in hot air ... despite the apparent concern of many western leaders, despite the pressure from elements of civil society, the catastrophe in Darfur is explicitly allowed to continue ... As always, everything takes precedence over the suffering and death of hundreds of thousands of distant, exotic others. It won't be the last time."

After two years, 400,000 deaths, and an estimated 3.5 million now entirely dependent on humanitarian aid, it must be stated that the UN and every one of its member nations have failed the people of Darfur and, in all likelihood, will continue to do so for the foreseeable future.

I Fought the Law, and the Law Won, But When the Plane Goes Down I'll Remember Where the Love Was Found

Stolen from the Sunday NYT from an article titled: Art Born of Outrage in the Internet Age.

A.J. Liebling famously commented that freedom of the press belongs to those who own one," said Mike Godwin, legal director of Public Knowledge, A First Amendment group. " Well we all own one now"

Not so fast- In China-------> Afterall, we're like almost China. Got this from the Zenformation Professional who happened to leave a comment in my last post. I got nothing but a lot of studying and worse poetry so I will spare you all. I can't help it with the Jason Mraz Lyrics, that stuff is stuck in my head, intercepted by an occasional round of Teenage Lobotomy , Sexual Healing( the original), and I fought the Law( The Clash version) meandering in now and again. Cindy looked extremely happy today as they hauled her off to jail. I say good for her for doing it; if only to bring more publicity and to really piss off people who are going to say she is just doing it for publicity and her time in the sun; she is doing this time for her son and for the sons and daughters of others. Braking rocks in the hot sun I fought the law and the law won I fought the law and the law won The Clash As the students sit discussing politics, dissing Cindy Sheehan, but saying there glad they aren't fighting in this baseless war all while trying to find just the right song on their new ipod as they drink their Starbucks mocha friggin, ( somene said I used the word fuck too often and I should save it until I actually can use it as a verb), cold thing that makes their teeth hurt. The law don�t mean shit if you�ve got the right friends That�s how the country�s run Twinkies are the best friend I�ve ever had I fought the law And I won Dead Kennedy�s Oh and whoever it is out there who tries to sell jersey sheets to college students, you ought to be condemned to a life of jersey sheet-dom; this means you will forever be sleeping on sheets that do not allow you to slide anywhere and you will have to shuffle, more like pull, yourself around your bed every night for eternity. You can now link to me using either of the buttons I have further down on the right. I can't generate code here but if you want the code I can email it to you or you can copy and paste the button and do it yourself. I was sitting on some very cool/ humid steps for an hour and had nothing to do. Leigh: gotta love these geeky lyrics

Hey baby look at me go From zero to hero You better take it from a geek like me I can save you from unoriginal dum-dums Who wouldn't care if you cum...........plete them or not

keep your tongue in your cheeks children

It's when you cry just a little but you laugh in the middle that you've made it

Thought for the day If I hadn't had my eyebrows threaded They�d be Thicker The lights are bright but rather fuzzy tonight The books were heavy as I made my way across town, part way across town. Maybe only a tiny way across town; not even town just the village. why do I exaggerate so? I think that it�s because my face it quite crooked, or due to that Japanese puppet play I saw. There is always a reason.

If you�re a good girl we�ll do some film fest.

Will I see John Malcovich???????

Have a good weekend. Keep watching washington. And don't it feel allright and don't it feel so nice Lovely. all italics lyrics and post title again by Jason Mraz

No one cares, No one's there, I guess we're all just too damn busy, Money's our first priority, It doesn't make sense to me.

A Simple Plan A little ditty in the midst of a working week. A Demi Bra is a bra that basically only covers part of the breast in order that one may wear a lower cut top. I certainly don't want anyone thinking that I only have half size breasts.

image thanks to barenecessities dot com. Still getting traffic here by searches for Michael Phelps pubic hair; this time the search it was - photos of Michael Phelps pubic hair- ewwww. I am kind of amazed that there are so many searches for this but it must be true as this has been going on for months. I never posted anything but an aim someone supposedly had with Phelps so ...whatever. quote of the month:

What was apparent that whoever was in charge seemed to assume that most Americans can hop into an SUV when they need to, spend $100 on gasoline, put some sparkling water in the trunk, some snacks, drive off with their credit card in hand to check into the hotel until the calamity passes. Baruck Obama The NTY had an article yesterday by Louise Story, sorry I don't have a link I read paper version, on how many women at high powered colleges, specifically Elite colleges are admitting that they plan to stay home when they have children and do not find this thought in any way appalling. It appears as though, unlike their predecessors of the last thirty years, these women do not feel that you can do it all. It is then stated that this presents a conundrum to many of the universities in that they expect when they invest so much in a students education that they should become leaders of this country and the dean of Yale went so far as to say that is did not seem that students were able to think outside the box of traditional gender roles. Ya-Da Ya-Da Ya-Da Katherine Hepburn was correct, you can't do it all and you will have to make a choice. Doing it all isn�t all that from what I hear anyway so damn-it make a choice and stick with it. Do I agree? It is immaterial as this is just for the record. My only concern is that with the smartest people staying home to raise kids we will end up with people like Bush in office. Weekly Coalition for Darfur Post The Descent into Anarchy One week ago, experts and observers warned that Darfur risked "sliding into a perpetual state of lawlessness." At a time when Khartoum and the Darfur rebels were preparing to meet in an attempt to move the essentially non-existent peace process forward, IRIN was reporting

Banditry and continuous attacks by armed groups on humanitarian workers, Arab nomads and villages in Darfur have increased significantly over the past weeks and threaten to destabilise the fragile ceasefire in the volatile western Sudanese region.

The "fragile ceasefire" has never really existed and fears of "perpetual" lawlessness are misplaced considering that Darfur has been essentially lawless for more than two years. Last week, the World Food Program reported that "security levels deteriorated in Darfur during the reporting week." This week, the WFP reported that "despite precautionary security measures, attacks on commercial and humanitarian vehicles continue in Darfur." And as the UN was expressing its concern "about the recurrent attacks carried out by armed men and gangs in Darfur states, which target civilians and commercial vehicles hired by relief organizations," Norwegian Church Aid was reporting that "relief convoy has been raided at gunpoint by bandits in Darfur for the second time in a short period. The security situation in Darfur shows signs of deterioration"

A growing problem is also that aid convoys are now being ambushed with increasing regularity by bandits on horses and camels. Norwegian Church Aid vehicles have been raided at gunpoint twice in a matter of weeks ... The field teams who travel most often through the western and southern parts of Darfur regularly encounter en route, and are often chased by, heavily armed men riding on horses and camels. Since the aid operation began just over a year ago, security has presented a great challenge for the agencies. Yet whereas assault, exchanges of fire and attacks on villages were previously politically motivated, much of the violence seems now to be criminal in nature.

And the violence continues. Just yesterday, it was reported that 40 were killed in fighting after an attack on the rebel Sudan Liberation Movement/Army by "armed nomadic tribesmen" [aka "the Janjaweed"]. This was followed by another report that 80 government soldiers had been killed by the SLM when they captured the town of Sheiria in a surprise attack in retaliation for earlier government attacks on rebel-held territory. The attack on Sheiria put at risk some 33,000 civilians who rely on humanitarian assistance after staff from three NGO's were withdrawn due to the fighting. And for good measure, the UN Mission in Sudan (UNMIS) "reported that the security situation in the Kalma camp housing displaced persons has further deteriorated with a large number of security incidents, including some 60 reported attacks on women over the last week alone." All of this took place while the sixth round of peace talks were being held in Nigeria. It has now been more than a year since the United States declared the situation in Darfur a "genocide" - and the security situation on the ground is now even arguably worse. While government-orchestrated attacks on civilians have diminished, mainly because "there are not many villages left to burn down and destroy," the rampant insecurity in all likelihood still qualifies as part of Khartoum's genocidal campaign to "deliberately [inflict] on the group conditions of life calculated to bring about its physical destruction in whole or in part." The genocide is not ending and the situation is not improving. The people of Darfur have, for all intents and purposes, been abandoned.

Witness Bearer, I'm Forever Yours .. Faithfully

I've returned from "bearing witness", with Bach for background, in a Northern Virginian vineyard. I later, as a squirrel would do in preparing for winter, stuffed my face to pure jazz, and enjoyed my cake with some subtle folk tunes. You might assume that I was bursting out of my Cosabella-Soire-Demi-Bra by the end of the evening, and you would be correct, however as is the case with most demi bras, it really didn't much matter. I could not complain about a celebration where the music and the food were both divine; a rarity with weddings. Let all my future witness bearing take place under similar conditions, replacing the wedding song with Coltrane, and I will bear witness until my fingers are withered and my toes are curled,( neccessitating the use of a magic platinum tipped cane). Long weekend it has been for sure, and books, notepaper and wordprocessors are calling my name, sweetly right now but soon they will become shrill, so I must go before that nonsense commences. I can't help thinking though; with everyone so seemingly satisfied and giving kudos to Bush and his speech. Surely people realize that when a dog pees in someone else�s yard and the owner �takes responsibility" that the owner is not really taking responsibility. Don't they? With the massive corruption already seen in the rebuilding of Iraq I just can't wait to see what is going to happen now. Some may find this interesting. Leaders Who Won't Choose To the Democratic Party, from now on simply called The Party: It's important to know that words don't move mountains. Work, exacting work moves mountains. Danilo Dolci Buona notte

I'm looking for love this time Sounding hopeful but it's making me cry

In the morning I�m flying down to Virginia for an evening wedding in a vineyard. A small digression: When I lived in Maryland there was a winery right down the road and on many Sundays they would have festivals, and people would come from all over. We never drove that road on Sundays because people not familiar with its winding turns were oft seen careening around turns and slipping over to the other side after all that afternoon wine tasting. We called them �the outsiders�. I'm going to fly in, check into the hotel where everyone is staying, change, and then get to the vineyard...exhausting isn't it? I feel obligated to go because it is a close family friend. Supposedly a limo is going to be whisking us all there and back again as we see fit. I�m not entering any drinking contests this go round as one of the last weddings I attended did end up in an infamous tequila shot contest where the younger siblings, of which I was one, entered into a contest to see who could do more tequila shots. Ties that bind appear often thin but when examined closely they end up being thicker than we think and they end up pulling us tighter and tighter in; Not so tight that we can't breath but sometimes it's a close call. Anyhow, there will be lots of wine; at least that seems to be a pretty sensible assumption from this end. I don't care for weddings and am not into the wasteful expenditure of cold hard cash that goes into them nor do I understand the whole giving away the bride thing, as I think I have said before if your daddy has to give you away you shouldn't be getting married. Who I am though to not respect someone else�s choices? A full report will follow. Love is blinding when the timing's never right. Oh who am I to beg for difference. Finding love in just an instant. Well I don't mind, at least I've tried. Well I tried, I tried... Just reading the Washington Post. I'm leaving the political stuff to my political friends this weekend. Study: Half of All Teens Have Had Oral Sex The part I found funny was this.

Several leaders of organizations that study or work with youth expressed surprise at the level of girls' participation.�You assume that females are more likely to give, males more likely to receive," said Jennifer Manlove,( the name itself is cracking me up) who directs fertility research for the organization Child Trends. We were surprised that the percentages were similar. And this:

This is a point of major social transition," James Wagoner, president of Advocates for Youth, a reproductive health organization, said yesterday. "The data are now coming out and roiling the idea that boys are the hunters and young girls are the prey. It absolutely defies the stereotype.

SHOCKING OMG. What year is this? You know we are not going to elect a women president any time soon when people still find it surprising that boys go down on girls in about the same rate that girls go down on guys and when they question the fact that girls actually like it. Silly Rabbit, Trix are for Kids. I'm looking for love this time. Sounding hopeful but it's making me cry. Trying not to ask why. Cause love is a mystery. Mr. curiosity Be Mr. please Do come and find me Love is blinding when the timing's never right Oh who am I to beg for difference Finding love in just an instant Well I don't mind, at least I've tried Well I tried, I tried... all italicized lyrics by Jason Mraz hot slightly feminine boy/man with soprano voice Who loves ya baby

Lighter Things

As promised we will start on a lighter note today except for the COALITION FOR DARFUR POST, which can be read by clinking on the link or by continuing to read at the end of this post. Meme via Cross at Beyond You and Me and I promise that I will not ask anyone to do it but feel free to answer any of these questions in the comment section. I especially would like to know any deep dark perverse bits of information that you would like to share. I'm hot (overheated); it is more humid than it should be here in the city that never sleeps. The people in this god forsaken mass of stone, brick and steel never sleep either, especially the people across the hall from me, therefore I'm taking a walk soon along the, grayish black with dirty brown stains, sidewalk carrying a bag large enough for a body to fit into but instead loaded with various academic paraphernalia. Indeed this is the not so good type of paraphernalia but the kind I am most familiar with. I 'm heading to another place, which is where my night will be spent, and maybe I can actually get some work done. If not I may at least be able to convince someone to delve into the sensual practice of hair - playing with me; at the very least I need to have the humidity squeezed out of me as I think I�d feel better if someone twisted me like a dishrag and sort of shook me out. I guess this was the meme of 7 7 things to do before I die: 1. Live in London for a year. I've spent enough time there to know I want to go back for a longer stay. 2. Live in Africa for a year. 3. Photograph the land and the people of the Sudan, Darfur in particular. This of course is assuming there will still be any people left in a few years. 4. Surf Australia, I never did it when I lived there as I was too young. 5. Design and help construct my own home somewhere. 6. Own a Brownstone in the city of NY. 7. Have a multi-orgasmic experience on top of Taipei 101. 7 things I can do: 1. Photograph buildings and the naked people in them. 2. Debate 3. Snowboard almost anywhere. 4. draw/paint 5. Argue 6. Stay up all night 7. Tequila shots even though I am not a drinker per se. We can thank my brother for this one. 7 things I can't do: I can do anything as can anyone so the word can't technically means won't, don't wanna, ain't gonna, so don't even go there. 1. Cook. 2. Mix drinks 3. Sit around and watch television 4. Tolerate ignorant or stupid people 5. Drive, at least that is what people tell me I think I drive splendidly and except for an unfortunate deer,( and the deer was to blame ), I have never had an accident. 6. Sing 7. Care about professional sports teams 7 things that attract me to a man: 1. Brains 2. teeth/lips/mouth 3. Eyes 4. Sense of humor 5. A general respect for humanity. 6. Appreciation of art and an understanding the significance of art in it's multitude of forms. 7. Humility 7 things I say most often: 1. Play misty for me..... Private joke but I say it a lot. 2. c'est la vie 3. Fuck - yea I say it a lot 4. Come again? Come not cum. 5. Black no sugar. 6. babes � I call people I am fond of babes. 7. Black pants or jeans? 7 celebrity crushes: I couldn't find seven if I tried, I rarely even know celebrity names although.. 1. Yes John Malcovich is one. 2. Mick Jagger- no comment. 3. Rafael Nadal - This is purely a sexual fantasy of me with a younger man from Spain who dresses in sort of girlie capri�s. 4. Ian Mackaye - Don't ask if you don't know. 5. Jim Morrison - I know he was a fucked up mess but he looked hot in all those old pictures. Plus I hear he is still alive in Paris. 6. Johnny Ramone 7. James Spader- If he would cut his fingernails. Mostly old, dead, weird or scary looking; I am going to have to go into therapy for that. 7 people I'd like to do this list: No one I know would do this list but if anyone wants to volunteer feel free Addendum is thanks to Tina Purdy at The Sardonic Sideshow September 14th, 2005 I too take Responsibility Wow. �And to the extent that the federal government didn�t fully do its job right, I take responsibility.� George W. Bush Sept. 14, �05 Coalition for Darfur A Meaningless Pledge Some are hailing the inclusion of language regarding a "responsibility to protect" in the draft declaration on UN reform to be discussed during the three-day summit being held in New York. The "Responsibility to Protect" is, according to the seminal report on the topic

[T]he idea that sovereign states have a responsibility to protect their own citizens from avoidable catastrophe, but that when they are unwilling or unable to do so, that responsibility must be borne by the broader community of states.

The report, and the idea, were generated by the international community's ignominious failure to intervene in situations such as the 1994 Rwandan genocide. The thinking was that it was necessary to shift the debate away from a "right to intervene," which carries serious implications for the cherished idea of national sovereignty, and toward a "responsibility to protect" those people in danger. After much debate, compromise and rewriting, the final text included in the draft declaration came out looking like this

The international community, through the United Nations, also has the responsibility to use appropriate diplomatic, humanitarian and other peaceful means, in accordance with Chapter VI and VIII of the Charter, to help protect populations from genocide, war crimes, ethnic cleansing and crimes against humanity. In this context, we are prepared to take collective action, in a timely and decisive manner, through the Security Council, in accordance with the UN Charter, including Chapter VII, on a case by case basis and in cooperation with relevant regional organizations as appropriate, should peaceful means be inadequate and national authorities manifestly failing to protect their populations from genocide, war crimes, ethnic cleansing and crimes against humanity. We stress the need for the General Assembly to continue consideration of the responsibility to protect populations from genocide, war crimes, ethnic cleansing, and crimes against humanity and its implications, bearing in mind the principles of the Charter of the United Nations and international law. We also intend to commit ourselves, as necessary and appropriate, to help states build capacity to protect their populations from genocide, war crimes, ethnic cleansing and crimes against humanity and to assist those which are under stress before crises and conflicts break out.

Nowhere has the Security Council or the UN member states actually pledged to do anything. This section carries no legal obligations; rather, it merely reiterates that the UN has a responsibility "to help protect populations from genocide, war crimes, ethnic cleansing and crimes against humanity," which something they already an obligation to prevent under the Genocide Convention. Note also that it doesn't say that the UN has a "responsibility to protect" but rather a responsibility ... to help protect" those at risk. That is a big difference. As such, it is a little difficult to share Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin's excitement

But a Canadian-inspired initiative highlighting the world's responsibility to protect threatened people and prevent genocides is a clear move forward, Martin said. The doctrine "essentially says that if Rwanda occurred today that the United Nations would act," he said, referring to the genocide that took an estimated 800,000 lives in the African country in the mid-1990s.

Considering that there is "another Rwanda" currently taking place in Darfur, why are we to expect that suddenly the UN is going to take seriously its "responsibility to protect"? Has the UN failed to act thus far solely because it lacked this one resolution? The UN has resisted acting on Darfur for two years and there is absolutely no reason to believe that this recognition of a theoretical "responsibility to protect" will have any impact on the legal or political concerns that have thus far prevented action. If the UN and its members truly believed in the "responsibility to protect," they would be protecting the people of Darfur, not writing resolutions vaguely promising to act when Darfur-like situations arise in the future.

Losing Hope is Easy

Tonight I am up late as I went to a Jack Johnson Concert in Central park earlier in the evening requiring lateness of reading. That plus being back at school puts me into old habits I fear. Tomorrow something lighter as I know I have been boring some of you to tears. Cross sent me a meme and flattered me into doing it because vain little bitch that I am I am easily manipulated when someone tells me how hot I am. Oh you didn't say that? Sorry. Anyhow she is where I get all my links to erotica so I have to do as she says. Read this from Jin, as it is so well put I just want you to read it. Then go to this post at Politcal Notio and see clearly that our government was responsible to be a first respondent to this disaster by their own laws. No comments as none are needed; this is for your review and to munch on with your raisin bran at breakfast . Note the time, it is almost 3 AM. got a faulty parachutte I got a stranger's friend An exciting change in My butchers blend A symbol on the ceiling With the flick of a switch My new found hero In the enemy's ditching Well somebody's something was left in the room And man now that its gone well of course we assume That somebody else needed something so bad That they took everything that somebody had Feed the fool A piece of the pie Make a fool of his system Make a fool of his mind Give him bottles of lies And maybe he'll find His place in heaven Cause he might just die Losing hope is easy When your only friend is gone And every time you look around Well, it all, it all just seems to change But hanging on is easy When you've got a friend to call When nothings making sense at all You're not the only one who's afraid of change jACK jOHNSON Never say that I don't work hard. ;)

The Obligatory Nine Eleven Post.

I was in eleventh grade in a sub-suburb of DC the day the planes flew into the World Trade Towers. Many of my classmate�s parents worked in DC and we were really a stones throw from Camp David, so even though we were not NY we certainly were within range if they had decided to send a small army. I remember they just locked us in and we sat and watched television all day while kid�s parents called them on cell phones that no one was supposed to have, but everyone did. People with parents working in DC tried to get in touch with them, the day went on. They cancelled after school activities and sent us home on time.

I went home to my father and mother and my moms good friend, a professor at a local college, her daughter had just graduated that spring and had gotten a job in NYC- across from the world trade towers. The professor could not get in touch with her daughter even through the evening, so she was heading up to NJ in a panic and praying fairly hard I imagine. She left her dog with us. It turned out the girl was right across the street from the WTC and saw people jumping from the towers, she got out and managed to call her roommate that evening so the roommate finally got in touch with the mother.

The PA crash was also scary because for us it was also not that far from home. We were surrounded it seemed.

I don't think it really scared me that much though; I was sort of invincible at that age. That is all I remember except the stories Vanessa told about the bodies falling from the tower and her vomiting and trying to call family.

I know my parents had the television on that day when I came home from school which was odd as television was not a big thing in my home; it was rarely if ever on during the daylight hours.

My whole class was sure we would eventually all be nuked anyway and it really didn't seem to affect or matter to us; it just seemed like a possibility of daily life and we went on our way.

That is it.

Of course I felt bad for the people who had died, but felt, even then, that there were thousands of tragic deaths every year in this country and worldwide and although I understood this was different the deaths were no more or less tragic to me than others. I don�t know if being sixteen made the difference. I don�t remember this in the same way as many people do. I feel bad for everyone that was traumatized by it but I can�t fully understand that because it did not traumatize me.

It did affect what my world would be like afterwards though. I think it was the �we against them� thing that got us. It got us subsequently into a big mess as maybe we wanted so badly to get back at someone, anyone, that even the wrong one would do and we evidently threw ourselves into reality shows as our reality was not so hot any longer.

The truth is there is no we, there never was, it was all a fallacy. The hurricane if nothing else proved that.

Hot Bubbles of Nothing

School has kept me busy for a few days. I just finished watching Andre win a place in the semi finals of the US Open. I didn't get to go because I had class this evening. My schedule is brutal plus I have one evening class and one evening reci-fucki-tation. My evenings were always my time of peace and mind wandering; those hours between six and ten which I owned so completely. I used them to sleep, or run or sometimes go into other parts of the city to galleries of the mind made up, or to go drink coffee with friends for hours; sometimes I just covered my head with pillows and let my feet hang off the bed and dozed while ruling in dreams where I was the queen of the semi-colons. There was no schedule to these hours and I had them every single day to do with as I pleased. Now�they are gone. Donate what you can. I am pretty pleased that my parents offered up our house in Maryland and my aunt, the crazy psychiatrist who used to be a dermatologist ,will be heading down but she doesn't know exactly where they are sending her. It is still quite a mess and now they don't want us to see it. Just do what you can even if it is just helping someone find someone. It is pretty sickening in some ways to be in a place where people are still more concerned about getting a new ipod or if they are going to see some stupid mystery band. I don�t know�it kind of give me indigestion.Some people don't get it even when they have had their noses rubbed in it. In my childhood rumors ran Of a world beyond our door� Terrors to the life of man That the highroad held in store. Of mermaids' doleful game In deep water I heard tell, Of lofty dragons belching flame, Of the horn�d fiend of Hell. Tales like these were too absurd For my laughter-loving ear: Soon I mocked at all I heard, Though with cause indeed for fear. Now I know the mermaid kin I find them bound by natural laws: They have neither tail nor fin, But are deadlier for that cause. Dragons have no darting tongues, Teeth saw-edged, nor rattling scales; No fire issues from their lungs, No black poison from their tails: For they are creatures of dark air, Unsubstantial tossing forms, Thunderclaps of man's despair In mid-whirl of mental storms. And there's a true and only fiend Worse than prophets prophesy, Whose full powers to hurt are screened Lest the race of man should die. Ever in vain will courage plot The dragon's death, in coat of proof; Or love abjure the mermaid grot; Or faith denounce the cloven hoof. Mermaids will not be denied The last bubbles of our shame, The Dragon flaunts an unpierced hide, The true fiend governs in God's name. Robert Graves The weekly Coalition for Darfur Post is up. Please read it.

Are We Going to Pay Attention Now?: Post Hurricane Epiphany

In the wake of Katrina many things are becoming perfectly obvious. It is obvious that we are going to have to pay attention to the more salient issues of disaster preparation, homeland security and the cronyism that perpetrated this debacle post Katrina. My question is: Will we now start paying attention to some of the issues that, in the end, may allow us to continue on through eternity, or are we going to let our apathy, lack of attention to nurturing of the environment which sustains us, in the end destroy us. Call me an ecology freak, or you can call me sensible with hopes for a future for the planet; it is time to make a choice. In this live for today hell with tomorrow life most of us live, where having the big house, going to or sending our kids to the right schools, an occasional designer purse, a nice pair of Italian shoes and a BMW tend to satisfy, and where we view life as good if we have obtained as much for ourselves as possible in regard to the material, Katrina has made something painfully obvious; Katrina has made us aware that even here in America there are others not as fortunate. Never mind Africa; here at home we have �poor people". That in and of itself should be a slap in the face to the ignorant majority, but let us go further and look at the disaster as a whole and it's implications for the survival of our civilization as we know it. Katrina has hopefully helped make the need to expedite this scrutiny perfectly clear. The ecological implications are clear in that we know that there were plans that had been shelved to shore of the levees as well as plans that would have diverted water from Lake Pontrachain. We know that the water in the Gulf has warmed by several degrees over the last century and that this is directly caused by global warming. We know that in the end our inability to pay attention to our own house because we are too busy at someone else�s house has in some ways made this disaster all the worse. We have a choice to bring ourselves back to a time where we are at one with our environment and willing to sacrifice in order to ensure a future for our country as well as our planet. As Jared Diamond, noted professor of geography at U Cal, Los Angeles and Pulitzer Prize winner for, Guns, Germs, and Steel, shows us quite simply in his book, Collapse: How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed , that we are going to need to make a decision here. We need to look at what happens when we squander our natural resources, ignore the signals our environment gives us when we cut down too many trees, we need to look at why some civilizations such as the Mayas, the Polynesians of Easter Island and the Vikings in Greenland disappeared off the face of the earth while other civilizations prospered. It lies in the fact of ecological care, withstanding pressure from enemies slowing population growth and taking care when choosing trade partners. He often extrapolates but there is clarity in one thing and in the face of the tragedy that was Katrina and her aftermath his point is only made more solid. We need to do something now. My hope is that from this tragedy we will not only learn that we need to wake up and choose our government more carefully and then keep an eye on it. I hope this will wake the need in us to actively participate in our government and policy making. I hope that if nothing else we will start looking at this earth we are on and what we can do to make sure that our civilization does not disappear due to shear apathy and laziness. We have a choice: Shall we choose to believe the pundits such as Mihkel M. Mathiesen in Global Warming in a Politically Correct Climate: How Truth Became Controversial or do we believe the people not funded by Exxon like John Houghton Global Warming : The Complete Briefing I think the way is pretty clear. Don't you?

crossposted at blogcritics

nothing but work up my butt from here on in

Welcome to the cruel world, hope you find your way

Did I get your attention? Good. I was a little hasty on the US Tennis player quip. Our boys did a mighty fine job today and I had a blast. Maybe you saw me, I looked at the camera twice�and winked. I had an epiphany, ok not an epiphany exactly but I like that word. I just returned and started watching the news and it was quite simple this little epiphany of mine. Kayne West, obviously tired and distraught, was right. It�s the same reason we don�t give a fuck about Darfur. One more opinion for the night, or morning as it may be. It's not that the death of the Chief Justice isn't important but did anyone notice FOX immediately broke in and started talking about what a great man he was the second he died and it goes on to this moment, the other networks continued with the disaster coverage. Note from fireman in Biloxi �Mr President send us some help�. What is it now Sunday? I think that we have plenty of time for all the attention to go to the deceased justice later, right now there are still dying and starving and lost and half dead people; our people. Someone should let Fox news know about this. The others networks at least right now are beginning to get it. Yeah to the American People for what they are doing. Can we take our country back now? It's up to you all and it will take some work, ( like shutting off those damn reality shows and the OC), but what do you say? Think we can do it? Don't know how we've lasted here so long there must be more good than bad or we'd already be gone ben harper

Pussy: I have one, but I don�t write about it.

I am back in NY and not yet in my own space but living a random existence in a non-space. I�m looking at boxes and lamenting a really shitty schedule which includes having to actually partake in an academic endeavor in the evening; therefore I am not feeling much like a posting fool. Don�t think me childish; my evenings have always been mine to do with as I please and I will miss that. Damn it, six to nine is mine; I own it. A few reminders: Pussy: I have one, but I don�t write about it. Story: Back in the spring in another place, a place where friends write stuff just to keep in touch with each other, I wrote a post about a comment some girl had made on her boyfriends journal. The boyfriend was some guy that out of the blue had put me on his friends list so I in turn added him to mine. We had a random few people who had somehow interjected themselves in to our little clan for whatever reason. I had no idea who this guy was except he was an emo type and a musician of some kind. He had posted and an entry and as I had not commented on his journal in a long time I wrote some benign comment in his journal. I then out of the blue get an email from him telling me that his girlfriend had no idea anyone read his journal and she was totally pissed off. I go to his journal and there is a comment from her under the comment I had written. The comment is as follows: You should really lick my pussy right now: P Sorry just thought I would tell you you�re going to bust a nut tonight and I don�t want to hear another word about it! -Ur Baby. I thought this was pretty funny so I posted in my journal a rather thoughtless post which directed everyone to the post and her comment. I also wrote the following in my journal for the masses to read.

I think this is what a girl writes on the internet when they think some other girl is reading her boyfriends journal and that the reader has designs on her man. I kind of (sort of but not really) wanted to write: No worries hon I am not a nut buster and I don't like long haired stoned musicians licking my pussy.I am in a very good mood I got a sort of grade back that has made me happy so I felt a little hilarity was in order.

Make no mistake this post from me was just a way of showing off my superiority and after posting it and getting a lot of comments from friends as well as a lot of laughs I began to feel kind of guilty about my arrogance, so I erased the post and apologized for my superiority complex. I knew the girl had read it of course, and I also knew enough about these people to know they had not been afforded the advantages in life that I had, meaning a paid for college education, a upper middle class lifestyle, clean living, lots of family support and what one might call the All American Dream Life. I had posted it, of course, because I felt quite intellectually above this girl, I felt like god compared to her, and I felt I was so much better than a girl who needed to post sex talk in their boyfriends journal is response to another girl posting a comment. I erased the post the next day along with posting an apology because I knew she would have read it, still feeling sick at the laughs I got at others expense.I am not going to post my retraction post but I am going to get to the point about why I don�t write about pussy. After deleting the post, (actually I made it private I didn't delete it), a comment from one of my best friends struck me. Here is his comment,and believe me it made a good away message for a very long time but rang so true that I stick to it to this day and apply this to other things in life as well. Who knew a surfer dude, snowboarding, psychology major with a severe case of ADD could be so philosophical and so right. Comment from friend:

I am not gonna lie it was funny. I am not gonna lie it was in a way wrong and I'm glad you took it down. Moral of the story is that you can post about your own pussy in your own journal but you shouldn't put anyone else posting about their pussy in your journal. So, when do we get your pussy story?

So as I can�t proceed with a clean moral conscience to post about someone else�s pussy in my online journals and I don�t post about my pussy in online journals you will all have to just do without. More random notes: IP addresses: Always hide them because there are some real sick people out there. A Women, without her, man is nothing. A Women: without her man is nothing. Yes, you got it, read Eats Shoots and Leaves. I'm sure it has been said but I'm going to say it again. Andy Roddick needs to stay out of commercials that ask him where his mo jo is as these promotions seem to do nothing more than suck it all out of him. The good news is that there are a few hot Europeans still in the running. I faced the fact a long time ago that male American tennis players are for the most part either abrasive and obnoxious or boring as all hell and not as pleasant to look at as the Europeans or Latin Americans. Blake is hot though and he has a tragic year last year. I do love Andre. We all have read by now that Scientists have decoded the Chimpanzee Genome. I am thinking that it may be a good idea to propose this be taught in all religion classes across the country. What do you think? Anyone from the South that happens by and has a room to spare might want to check this out. People need places to crash for a time due to that miserable bitch Katrina.

Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit.

Blessed is the lamb whose blood flows.

Blessed are the sat upon, Spat upon, Ratted on,

O Lord, Why have you forsaken me?

I got no place to go.

Weekly Coalition for Darfur Post follows so read it and weep or better yet read it and demand something be done or do something. What is happening post hurricane is heartbreaking but what is happening in Africa is inhumane.

Photo Thanks, Feddie and Eugene What It Is All About Last weekend, the blog Blue Girl, Red State wrote a post about a regular blog commenter who went by the name "Shameless Hussy." Blue Girl reports that "Shameless Hussy" went to Darfur in June as a humanitarian volunteer and was traumatized by what she saw

What she dealt with daily goes beyond the pale...beyond the nightmares of most people; Children with all four limbs hacked off right above the knee or below the elbow. Twelve year olds who died in childbirth after being gang-raped by the Janjaweed. Women who gave birth to rape-babies who were then cast out by their families for shaming the family name, leaving only one avenue of survival for themselves and their children after the camps: Prostitution. What is f**ing her up is the desperation, and the fact that she worked herself to death for over a month, and she still didn't really save anyone. Now that she's gone, it's like she was never there. Even the ones she helped keep alive, she didn't save. You try dealing with that reality. And women are the preponderance of victims. Men do not leave the villages to go to the countryside to gather firewood and other necessary items of sustenance. Women venture out, even though every time they leave their villages, they are at horrific risk of being beaten and raped and disfigured. The reason they go instead of the men? The women are only attacked, the men are killed.

This post receive a fair amount of attention within the blogosphere (as far as posts about Darfur go) mainly due to the fact that Kevin Drum linked to it. And while getting bloggers to pay attention to Darfur, if only for a minute, is a minor miracle, it is worth asking why it takes a post about traumatized aid workers to generate any interest in genocide. This situation in Darfur has existed for over two years and, if people were interested, they could find accounts of death, disease, rape and torture occurring there on an almost daily basis. 400,000 people have died and nearly 3 million have been displaced and yet nobody - not politicans, not the media, not bloggers - really seem to care. To anyone who has been paying attention, the atrocities witnessed by "Shameless Hussy" are, sadly, well-known. If her story generates concern for the people of Darfur, then for that we should be thankful. And if people who were moved by it are really interested in Darfur, then they should start reading the analyses produced by Amnesty International, Human Rights Watch, Eric Reeves and the International Crisis Group, supporting organizations like Doctors Without Borders, Save the Children, Save Darfur and STAND, reading blogs like Passion of the Present, Sudan Watch, the Coalition for Darfur, and Sleepless in Sudan and demanding that their elected leaders do something about it. Our thanks goes out to "Shameless Hussy" and all those who sacrifice to help those in need. But we must keep in mind that Darfur is not about them - it is about this